So much has happened.. my twin sister (above) passed away and I’ve been trying to make peace with it all. Just kidding. I have been unearthing a lot of long unseen images and videos though. As many of you have already noticed I am spending most of my time at OnlyFans.com/TanyaDanielle. This weekend I’d like to offer free trial memberships to anyone who signs up for an OnlyFans account using this link. Once you have signed up send your OnlyFans.com username to Jay at email@example.com and he will grant you a week of access to the new feed.
I greet you with a cup of dandelion tea (supports liver function) at my elbow. Had a great time last night but, wow, did I overdo it. Sometimes I come up with good ideas at random moments and this morning – during the nadir of my hangover – I checked out OnlyFans.com. For years I’ve been wondering what to do with the treasure trove of nudie pics that I have amassed over the decades. Remember Lonnie Waters? Remember Cherokee? Remember Devon Michaels? Remember Zora Banx? Remember Randy Moore? The list goes on and on.. I have sooooo many exclusive pics of gorgeous models who have graced stages, magazines, video sets, etc. that I need to share them with the world. Today I started my own membership feed at OnlyFans.com/TanyaDanielle.
You may have noticed that I don’t post very explicit photos on this blog. Well, now I have a place for those “full monty” shots. I am just getting started with OnlyFans but I can post a photo a day every day for the next 30 years and still have more unseen photos. Seriously. My protocol may change as I adapt to the OnlyFans system but today I am adding a mixture of both new and old photos featuring current and retired models whom I have known over the years.
I have initially set the price at $9.99 per month but that may change. Still figuring all this out. Looks like the OnlyFans system uses Twitter software so my feed will have all the features of a Twitter feed. Wish I could tell you more but I’ve never had a Twitter feed before. Anyways, this is a work in progress and will doubtlessly morph over time in ways that I can’t even anticipate. Come check me out at OnlyFans.com/TanyaDanielle!
Old friend Rainier (manager of legendary Wild Goose Cabaret) and I got together tonight, visited a number of taverns, ended up at landmark Inglewood establishment The Proud Bird. We started early and I just finished baking the cake in top pic to present to him tomorrow. Just kidding. We had a very fun time but I will feel it in the morning. Amusingly, Rainier and I drank together for years at the Goose (1999 – 2011) and I never felt a thing except good humor. Guess I’m no longer in party shape – already cut myself off before 10pm. Sometimes I do miss dancing but I miss the clubs how they were back then, not how they are now. The exotic dance industry has lost its luster. I’ve sat by silently as “older” dancers tried to explain to current dancers “how it used to be” and the stories just don’t have much relevance anymore. We had some good times back then when money was flowing… glad I have the memories but it’s a different world now. Long live the showgirls of yesteryear..
We were naughty but we definitely dressed the part in that bygone era. Lol.. maybe I need another drink as I sit here at my desk and moon over the past 😉
On Friday, October 13 I was driving to an appointment when I saw a little dog with an injured paw at Figueroa and 88th. Nearby a blue pit pull on leash was dragging its owner down the street. Sensing doom I (who normally drive like a timid grandmother) executed flawless U-turn into oncoming traffic, returned to the little dog. She ran on three legs while pit bull attempted to close distance between them. “Oh, no.. oh, no.. !” I heard pit bull owner crying out as he tried to steer his dog away. Fortunately he succeeded.
Sweet little chihuahua terrier mix (pics above) was wearing a blue collar with no tags. To make the long story short I took her to the local ASPCA where hopefully her owner would claim her. She trembled with fear as kind attendant loaded her into a cage. “I will do everything possible to get you home.” I promised her. Almost immediately her photo appeared on the ASPCA website. I checked it daily, called the shelter regularly for status updates, and continued to visit both her and the neighborhood where I found her. It seemed unlikely that someone would post “Lost Dog” signs and not check the local shelter but you never knew.
Over the next few weeks mysterious details emerged: the little darling (who I now called Rhoda – sort of a shortened version of “Figueroa”) had metal plates in her injured paw. Someone had paid for very expensive orthopedic surgery but had neglected to have Rhoda either spayed or micro-chipped. Since surgery had not worked Rhoda would now likely need a paw amputation. How had she ended up wandering the streets of one of LA’s most, um, blighted neighborhoods? Feel kind of judgmental typing that but if you go there you will see what I mean. Anyways, I returned home from a shoot this past Friday night to discover that Rhoda’s photo had vanished from the ASPCA website. Praying someone would answer at this late hour I called the shelter. A gentleman requested Rhoda’s ID number and then informed me that a kind soul had adopted Rhoda!
Naturally fellow animal lover Kianna Dior and I had to toast this happy turn of events. Throughout this experience I developed tremendous admiration for the staff at the South LA ASPCA. In the past I never thought of the animal shelter as a kind, nurturing environment but they are doing great work there. Please join me in making a donation if you feel inclined. I’ve been sending $5 here and there because that’s what I can afford right now and I do believe that every bit helps.
I have been subsisting on coffee. Somewhere on the cusp of Orange and Los Angeles Counties I pulled into a donut shop driveway only to find above sign taped to window (top pic.) You can see my reaction in second pic. Lately I’ve been throwing a few too many internal tantrums – think I hide it pretty well but I’ve had a number of “moments” in recent days, probably due to not sleeping quite enough. Thankfully, my friend Phil sent me this video today. It definitely improved my afternoon. Thanks, Phil!
This coming week looks very busy but I have prepared updates:
I have been spending a lot of time on the road. Very glad to return home and ponder recent experiences. Tonight I am preparing Halloween video Cursed for release. Will Agent Tanya survive her night at the Sandman Motel??
Hope everyone is having a great week! I will resurface tomorrow after a good night of sleep.
As anyone who lives here will tell you Los Angeles sprawls all over the place. I reside in one of the furthest corners of Los Angeles County while my friend Paul lives on a different fringe. Periodically we meet in Orange County (equidistant from both our homes) for drinks. On a recent occasion we visited Beach Girls in Westminster. Other than bikini-clad bartenders the beach theme has vanished. I seem to recall a large room with concrete floors, graffiti, and pool tables. Or maybe the graffiti was just in the rest room (top pic.) Paul and I had a good time there. A friendly bartender, wearing skimpy black shorts and top beneath flannel shirt, mixed us a gin-based concoction worthy of the Biltmore Hotel in 1923. Sounds like a strange description but it truly seemed like a cocktail that the dignified elite would have been sipping in one of America’s grand hotels during the Roaring 20s. Upon my first taste of the drink I had raised my eyebrows over the rim of the glass while my lips were still fastened around it. Paul spoke before I could. “This is great!” he commented with feeling. I agreed. After a lifetime of drinking I have felt that way exactly one time. Usually I drink straight vodka or gin with no desire to mix it with anything.
Accompanying photos of stunning Alix Lynx vs. myself have nothing to do with Beach Girls but I always post a few skin pics and Satyr’s Spell starring Alix vs. myself just went on sale for $19.99 (normally $28.99) this week. Hope everyone is having a pleasant Monday!
Shortly before dawn this morning I saw a glowing formation on perhaps the 20th floor of a neighboring building. After a minute I realized that the full moon – still stunningly bright – was reflecting off building’s plate glass windows. So beautiful! Did Jewell Marceau have the same reaction in Stadium Thrill when she looked up to find my ass descending on her face? Hahaha! Probably not.. 🙂
I awoke to news of the shooting massacre in Las Vegas. Rather than listen to endless media coverage I meditated on the rather helpless, hopeless, vulnerable feelings in my mind. It occurred to me that I can best serve the good by providing a happy, harmonious home for my loved ones and myself and by helping others whenever possible. Although I do volunteer work each week I find that many of the most meaningful opportunities to render assistance seem to arise spontaneously in the course of a day – sometimes even in situations where just a smile or word of encouragement helps out a friend or stranger who feels beleaguered.
Searching for higher guidance I queried the I Ching on how to best navigate through each day when confronted by a seemingly endless barrage of death, pestilence, and greed in the news. I Ching responded with Hexagram 23 Unchanging:
When DETERIORATION is received without changing lines it implies a situation for which there is little hope. It is not in your control, and therefore your interests are not considered. Reaffirm and support your position by being benevolent toward others.
That pretty much says it all for me. I can’t control or prevent situations of mass chaos in the world but I can remain positive within my own sphere and help others whenever circumstances permit. I do try to stay mindful of not blundering into places where I don’t belong.
Anyways, hope I’m not philosophizing too much here. Been spending a lot of time with my nose buried in books recently. Ringmaster STJ just contacted me for work and I told him that I will start wrestling again in late November – just in time for Thanksgiving 😉
Until then I will continue with solo shoots and solitary meditation:
Hope everyone is having a pleasant Monday. I just completed the following updates:
Supernatural elements invaded my bedroom last night, unleashing a gigantic, red snake which slithered up my..
Just kidding, wish I could relate an exciting story about recent events but I live in a studio and don’t even have a bedroom 😉 Second pic from top comes from newly released Ghostbusted. In this paranormal adventure I explore a haunted old house still inhabited by a ruthless madam known as “Grandma” Evelyn Snipe:
Just put exclusive, newly released Chosen Few starring Saharra Huxly vs. myself on sale for $19.99 (normally $36.99) through Sunday. Since last post I have been working on text for upcoming gunfighter video tentatively entitled Shameless (pics above):
Gunfighter Madeleine Mark gallops toward Carson City, intent upon locating lost secret which enabled ancestors to establish strongholds throughout medieval England. Why does she think sparsely settled Nevada desert contains elusive information? Nobody knows. Several years elapse before Madeleine’s partner receives triumphant missive:
“Suppressed for centuries,
Lost to society,
Antiquity’s dark rune
Yields great wealth unto me.”
Partner knows instantly that Madeleine has learned dark rune which will enable her to reincarnate luscious curves after any type of weapon-inflicted injury. Soon, very soon, Madeleine and cohort will embark on campaign of terror which plunders every stagecoach and banking institution West of the Rockies. Will frequent adversary Sheriff Goldie succeed in halting the unstoppable duo??
Lol.. in last post Madeleine seemed to have a grip on everything but her guns. Today she has gotten more serious 😉
First of all, I’d like to thank Brad for the wonderful new trove of reading material and the T-shirt which I will wear proudly. I love regional T-shirts. Muuuaaahhh!! Lately I have not been visiting my mailbox as frequently so please forgive the delayed acknowledgement for your lovely gifts. Tonight I plan on reading “Casting the Runes” since I have developed a bit of a fixation with runes. Early this morning a few odd verses popped into my brain as I lay in bed:
Suppressed for centuries,
Lost to society,
Antiquity’s dark rune
Yields great wealth unto me.
Think those words may eventually help explain how a certain masked gunfighter (pics above) developed supernatural abilities which enable her to survive endless gunfights with other busty outlaws 😉 Or maybe they don’t explain anything at all. Sentence fragments often dangle inside my head – I’ve probably forgotten 1,000,000 of them for every one that I’ve noted down. For reasons unknown my mind likes to compose things. As a little kid I dreamed of scoring a job where I could name different shades of lipstick: “Lustrous Lilac”, “Cranberry Passion”, “Miss Liberty” (bright red), “Gold Cadillac” (perhaps for nail polish.) I still dream of that job even though I love what I do.
Tonight I am preparing Chosen Few starring Saharra Huxly vs. myself for release. Very weirdly I named the video Chosen Few on Wednesday night, met a friend on Thursday morning at a breakfast joint where we saw someone sporting a T-shirt emblazoned with Chosen Few MC. Prior to that moment I had never heard of the club but they do seem to have a colorful history.
So tired.. must stop typing. I will return in the morning to answer post comments. Hope everyone is having a great weekend! Thanks again for the wonderful gifts, Brad. May your generosity revisit you a thousandfold.
So many disjointed events have occurred that they seem like kaleidoscope fragments shifting around inside my head. It all started with a routine visit to the dentist who told me that I had a cyst on my throat. He advised that I make an appointment with an ear, nose, and throat specialist immediately. I did so, completing four days of shooting beforehand. On the appointed day my friend Jed kindly accompanied me to the doctor’s office in case I needed a biopsy and might not feel comfortable driving home. After a short exam doc informed me that dentist had simply located the carotid bulb on my neck, not a cyst. Stunned but relieved I paid the agreed-upon $200 fee (I no longer have health insurance for reasons discussed here) and departed.
Within 48 hours Jed had cracked his tooth by biting into a bone. Of course I returned the favor and drove him to an exam as he had so kindly done for me. Hours passed. I revised text for Summertime Rune (new version entitled Strawberry Moon), filed my nails, flipped through a magazine, watched Hurricane Harvey coverage on TV, walked to 7-11 for a snack, stretched, had a cup of coffee, used the bathroom. Afternoon staff replaced morning staff at the dental office. One of the new arrivals shot a long, speculative look at me. I overheard swing shift receptionist assure an antsy patient that “Normally we never have waits like this but all our dentists are tied up with an emergency.” Finally my phone chirped.
“Took forever to get that tooth out, just waiting to get sown up.” Jed’s message read.
Maybe 20 minutes later Jed staggered into the waiting room. I tried to keep a neutral expression on my face because he looked like he had gone through a war. Jed tried to talk, could not do so, stumbled into a nearby bathroom to spit blood into the sink. Only much later did he describe a truly barbaric scenario in which a tech held his jaws apart while two different dentists tried for hours to pry a splintering molar out of his mouth. For the moment I needed to fill Jed’s prescription for pain pills “Rite Aid” he managed to mumble. He waited in the car while pharmacy assistant searched inventory, apologetically returned unfilled prescription to me. Inspiration struck when I returned to the wheel: “I have pain pills at home from my surgery in June!” I proclaimed while starting engine. Upon arrival building manager looked a bit askance when Jed and I alighted from car and Jed spat a stream of blood into the sewer. I bee-lined straight to my bathroom where I spent precious minutes hunting for the pills. In the meantime Jed had found a bottle of vodka in the freezer. “I’m not sure that you should.. ” I started to say and then just shut up. Later on Walgreens filled his Norco prescription and the experience has ended well.
Several days after dental episode I went to a court hearing where a friend’s son would possibly be turning himself in to face jail time. Friend and I arrived a bit late and could not find seats next to son. “He looks sad.” my friend said about son. “Look how red his eyes are.” Honestly, son did not appear that sad to me – he looked like someone who had indulged in a proverbial “last hurrah” overnight but I didn’t say anything. Judge gave son thirty days to get his affairs in order and report for an 8-month sentence in Los Angeles County Jail.
One day later I learned of an advanced water damage/mold situation that I would need to fix on my property. With that in mind I attended a lovely memorial service and could not really ponder the meaningful event because I needed to meet with a contractor about the mold issue directly afterward. Contractor assessed the significant damage and we drove to Home Depot. “Watch it, watch, watch it.. ” he cautioned as a random individual pedaled toward us atop a cornflower blue bicycle with large white basket. Cyclist drifted all over the roadway, enjoying the breeze, his freedom, his ability to disrupt all traffic in the vicinity. I recognized the bike as one of those rented in a popular tourist area miles and miles away. “Pedal for fitness and health!” a banner on the white basket read. “Ha, Ha, Ha!” contractor chortled aloud, his inflection getting higher on each “Ha!” “Look at him go! Look at this guy go!” I burst out laughing too. Bike thief was enjoying his ride more than anyone from the gentrified “Pedal for fitness and health!” enclave ever could.
As I sit here typing a freak, beautiful rainstorm has just begun pummeling my neighborhood. So awesome! We have been experiencing a 90+ degree heat wave near the ocean. Recent occurrences – including this sudden summer rain – have left me slightly discombobulated, like I haven’t really had a chance to process everything that’s happened in the past week or two. I am posting above photos from Stadium Thrill because I need some nudie pics and because they reflect how my circumstances have been veering all over the place lately..
Anyways, I feel very grateful for all blessings and hope everyone is doing well. I will try to answer post comments in the next few days.
I just added Stadium Thrill starring Jewell Marceau vs. myself to my Clips4Sale store. Ringmaster STJ’s backyard wrestling ring probably does not qualify as a “stadium” but I can’t seem to resist the verbiage:
“All muscles, no strength.” wrestler sneers,
“Wait til the bell rings.” model jeers,
Adrenaline pounds cranium,
Insanity fills stadium,
Testosterone-infused crowd cheers..
Wrestler jerks awake, pouring sweat. Strange dream had coupled snippets of trash talk with head-pounding pain. Might it be predicting dire outcome of upcoming match? Wrestler dismisses notion after five seconds of reflection. “No fitness model, especially Jewell Marceau, has enough skills to cause me even one iota of pain.” she blurts aloud to empty room..
Yep, Jewell Marceau and I are back in all our trash talking glory. In honor of this long-awaited reunion I have put Stadium Thrill on sale for $19.99 (regularly $38.99) through Sunday, September 3. Funny, about 16 hours after this match I was lying on an operating table as I underwent surgery. Almost completely healed now and working on photos which accompany video footage. Thanks so much to everyone who has posted comments. I really enjoy your feedback and have answered about 3/4 of recent messages. Will return tomorrow to answer more. Hope everyone is having a nice Monday!
Ever get a song stuck in your head? You try to shake it but it plays for days on end. Last week I was chatting with a longtime resident of my neighborhood. Can’t remember what lead up to it but he gestured towards sparkling ocean, bobbing sailboats and said: “I was living here a long time before it became a tourist attraction. Do you remember how this looked in the 80s?” He launched into a parable featuring crack cocaine, rogue cops, Ronald Reagan’s War on Drugs. “The po-lice used to smash battering rams straight into dopehouses.” he reminisced. “They didn’t care who was in there – families, babies, whatever – they just smashed in before anyone could flush the drugs.” I listened with rapt attention, not entirely sure if he was exaggerating for effect or perhaps citing one or two isolated occurrences. He noticed my uncertainty. “Remember Batterram?” he asked. I didn’t think so. “You don’t remember Batterram?” he said with surprise. “C’mon.. ” he tried again. “Batterram!” As a last resort he pulled out his phone and played this video. Immediately engrossed I watched the entire presentation without speaking. Ever since then I hear Batterram in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, and in conjunction with any long, tubular object that crosses my field of vision (that happens a lot):
OK, I’m joking around a bit with the photos (have to include some nudie pics) but Batterram the song has staying power. Lol.. you’ll be singing it at your office if you watch this oddly compelling proto-music video.
Going to bed now but will return very soon to answer post comments. Sorry I have fallen behind on that – I do enjoy reading your thoughts. In the meantime I have put Land of Cameron on sale for $19.99 (normally $34.99) and added both Return to Sparta starring Ariel X vs. myself and Story of Now to my Diamond Club Members’ Area. Hope everyone is having a great week!
I have long since recovered from July 30 illness and have some new videos under my belt. Above nudie pics come from soon-to-be-released Spider Walk:
Translucent spider crawls up arm,
Retraces track marks on fair skin,
Inscription on veined porcelain
Advises: “Shield yourself from harm,
Dark devastation lurks within.”
No wonder that broad is screaming 😉
On August 4 I shot middle pic on outdoor wall of local tavern. Same handwriting has appeared in numerous other places in my neighborhood and for some reason I always find odd reassurance in the messages. Seems strange to type that last sentence, especially since property owners presumably don’t appreciate extra labor of covering up anonymous tributes to mystery individual. Maybe I find it refreshing that someone doesn’t rely upon cellphones and social media to transmit emotion? Not sure.. will have to reflect on it more.
About a week ago my VOD store at TanyaTV.com came down. Store had been experiencing technical issues and software provider accused me of lying when I requested help with correcting the problem. I feel tempted to post the e-mail he sent me but I know I should let the matter die. For the moment I will be selling all my videos exclusively at Clips4Sale.com. Just released Black Snake Boogie (special introductory price of $12.99) at Clips4Sale and am also preparing both aforementioned Spider Walk and new paranormal fantasy Ghostbusted for their debuts later this month.
Hope everyone is having a nice Monday! I will return today or tomorrow to answer post comments.
I return from a mysterious 36-hour illness which reminded me a bit of this. Let me backtrack..
About a week ago I spontaneously attended a Pacific Islander festival. Friend and I paid $10.99 for above 1.75 liters of Smirnoff. For that price I could ignore the “raspberry infusion” in this particular bottle. We had a great time talking, laughing, eating ethnic food, watching a dance show, splitting raspberry vodka with other friends. The following morning I awoke to a mostly empty vodka bottle on my desk accompanied by a strange handwritten note:
Enchanted fruit injects
Dark madness into me..
Don’t remember writing those words but I do that all the time – odd scribblings turn up under my bed, inside my pockets, beneath car seat, even saved inside my computer. “Raspberry 33” made sense because for years I’ve maligned vodka “flavors” as synthetic travesties: “Oh, yuck, is that Vanilla #24?”, “Who wants to ruin good vodka with Grape #12?”, “Real vodka should not taste like pear..”, etc. Yes, I could see why I scribbled “Raspberry 33” but last line seemed to have no relevance to such a fun evening. Shaking my head I tossed piece of paper back onto desk, deposited vodka into freezer, continued with day.
Nearly a full week later (this past Friday) I finished packing for upcoming shoot and decided to pour myself a drink before bed. Bottle of Raspberry 33 lay waiting. I loaded final props into suitcase, zipped it with finality, watched end of Boogie Nights with vodka in hand. Hours later, as previously mentioned, this happened. I don’t know why. Two days later I have wracked my brain trying to figure out what had affected me so adversely. A friend and I had had some potato tacos, later I’d made an omelette out of fresh eggs and freshly washed vegetables.. and I’d drunk some of the remaining Raspberry 33. For the record, friend and I had been pouring vodka into plastic containers for everyone at the Pacific Islander festival so the bottle itself stayed just as clean as when we bought it. Honestly, I don’t think germs would live on a liquor bottle anyway, especially not after a week in the freezer. During the worst of my illness I remembered that strange poem I had written and suddenly the words assaulted me with haunting clarity:
Enchanted fruit injects
Dark madness into me..
Lol.. anyone who has experienced a bad case of food poisoning knows how the mind can wander when subject to extreme dehydration. Recovery took from Friday night til noon today. Needless to say I had to reschedule my shoot. A few minutes ago I logged onto computer only to find STJ’s latest e-mail blast of photos. Check out those raspberry streaks in Nicole Oring‘s hair, raspberry flower barrette, and raspberry trimmed bikini:
Maybe I need to avoid all things raspberry for a while 😉
Many thanks to custom photo/video collectors who have to wait a little longer for me to shoot. I do have a newly scheduled date. Hope everyone is having a great weekend! I will return to answer post comments after I drink another half gallon of water. Still trying to re-hydrate.. so grateful to regain good health.
Long before either the Internet or DVDs became prevalent naked women vied for cash on pay-per-view TV specials. Above you see pics from one such PPV event – the Beverly Hills Short Shorts Contest. Back then I don’t even recall anyone using the term “booty shorts”. Just look at the high-waisted numbers we used to wear:
I thoroughly enjoyed these photos, love trips down memory lane. Please visit store of ebay seller who posted them. Release date for Bevery Hills Short Shorts Contest DVD is 2003 but we probably shot footage in early 1990s. Good to see material is still circulating – I have fond memories of those days.
Hope everyone is doing well. I will return to answer post comments later today.
Not long ago I ran into a friend who is now living on the street. I will call him Dean. We agreed to get together later in the week and I hoped I could think of something to help him out. A day before our meeting I went to a local donut shop where a man in the parking lot was staring intently through donut shop window. It occurred to me that he was scrutinizing the premises with an unusual amount of care but I had pretty much forgotten about him by the time I was ordering coffee. Shop proprietress stayed deep in conversation with another patron while she poured my drink. “You are so good-looking.” she was telling him. “Your eyes are so green.. look at how handsome you are.. people look at you because you are so handsome… ” Customer was proffering little response and I had the opportunity to observe him from behind. His skin and clothing indicated that he was living a pretty rough existence. Suddenly he turned, our eyes met, we both smiled. Indeed, he had a very magnetic face but his ruined teeth told a story of their own – lots of hard years. He and I sat at separate tables while proprietress continued pep talk.
Another customer entered, ordered something, placed himself near me. For some reason his very aura set me on edge so I laser-focused attention on notepad in front of me without once looking at him. Green-eyed guy left and the remaining man began asking proprietress questions about him. Within a few sentences it became clear that remaining man was completely fixated on the green-eyed man. I didn’t even need to glance at him to realize that he was also the person who had been staring into the shop from the parking lot. Proprietress seemed disconcerted by the barrage of questions and wasn’t saying much, quite unusual for her.
“Was that guy talking about me?” remaining man finally blurted, unable to contain himself. “If he said I was looking at him then he is crazy. That guy is crazy!”
Pieces fell into place. Remaining guy had been doing everything possible to attract the attention of green-eyed man and now he was humiliating himself even more as he tried to pretend the opposite. He reminded me of countless men I’ve encountered at strip clubs who pretend to watch sports in a topless bar, turn their backs to the stage, pretend their friends dragged them in the joint, feign disdain for the dancers, pretend they came to a nude club for the food, pretend this, pretend that, maybe fooling themselves (I doubt it) but nobody else.
I should mention here that I live in an area well known for availability of male prostitutes who service men for money or drugs. Second customer had probably been hoping to get lucky if he wished hard enough.
Fast forward to the next day… Dean and I met for coffee as scheduled. At Starbucks Dean touchingly offered to pay the bill but of course I refused. Over conversation it became apparent that he had become quite resigned to his circumstances, no longer really trying to get off the street. Out the corner of my eye I noticed a man staring fixedly at our table, imploring Dean to look at him. Without making mention of it Dean simply stood up, turned his chair around so his back faced the man, and continued talking with me. The staring man would not give it a rest, causing my hackles to rise. I could see that Dean felt eyeballs boring into his back. Eventually my friend just broke. Our coffee date had started on a cheerful note but now Dean was unreservedly displaying odd behavior which caught the attention of everyone nearby, almost like he was manifesting the mindset: “OK, if you’re going to stare at me like I’m not human then I will really give you something to stare at.” I tried to get him to calm down – no luck. He was acting like the stereotypical “crazy homeless guy” that everyone in large urban areas has encountered. Finally I left, feeling heartsick and helpless, because Dean was beginning to direct his animosity toward me. We have not seen each other since.
Last summer I made mention of a man at the grocery store filming me like I was an animal at the zoo. The unattractive man (I speak boldly because he made himself unattractive) at the donut shop and the creep at Starbucks were behaving in the same manner, so eager for acknowledgement that they fell all over themselves like slobbering idiots. Any of those three people could have observed us without attracting our attention but it was our attention that they so desperately craved. Where am I going with this? I don’t know. Just felt like getting it off my chest. Green-eyed man and I will likely continue to ignore fools but I worry about Dean. For the record, I no longer wear crop tops in public (crux of grocery store episode. ) All of us live in the Land of Fruits and Nuts (AKA California) and I wish people would at least loosely respect that old adage: “It’s not polite to stare.”
Saw great piece of street art last weekend (top pic) and it strikes me as a fitting amalgamation of the good and bad out here in Cali. Check out the license plate on that vehicle.