Silicone Mountain

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Good morning,

Today I am getting ready to release individual vignettes from my movie Invisible World (February 26, 2014 selection on the Erotica page at TanyaTV.com.) The first vignette takes place in a gym. When I gaze at the pics from that shoot I can’t help but reflect on the personal history of my breasts. I installed those implants in 1996. For nearly two decades I jogged, lifted weights, slept on my stomach, wrestled, danced, and more. Finally the silicone bags ruptured, the right one more severely than its twin on the left. Unfortunately this occurred in March 2013 when I was dealing with a bad tenant and a foreclosure issue involving the condo I now call home. To make the long story short I continued dancing/shooting with ruptured implants until late November 2013. It took that length of time for me to retrieve my home from foreclosure, move into it, and save enough money for the implant replacement procedure. Surgery felt like such a blessing when it finally occurred.

Silicone gets hard when it ruptures. Your body encapsulates the foreign material that is floating around the chest and armpits. Scar tissue forms. In my case a mass of scar tissue  forced the right breast forward at a very prominent angle. I have seen this happen to other models/dancers/pornstars and watched them soldier through stage shows, videos, and daily life until they had the time (mandatory few weeks off work) and money for surgery. At times I wondered if I would handle it as well as they did. After all, you need to have confidence in your body to appear naked in front of strangers and give a good performance.

I became a master at concealing the asymmetry in my breasts with eye-diverting body jewelry, strategically placed locks of hair, structured bras, and carefully orchestrated poses. Cameraman Jon White excelled at selecting the most flattering of camera angles.  I powered through.

One particular memory lingers in my head. On September 15, 2013 I was carrying two large bags of groceries home from the store, one in each hand. “What happened?” a voice with the resonance of a Hellfire and Brimstone preacher boomed out from the Metro train platform in the center of the boulevard. “One of them fell down and the other stays up!!” Time seemed to freeze, activity on the busy street ceased, people turned to stare. I realized that he was talking about my boobs. Tears sprang to my eyes and I fervently regretted  not having worn a pair of sunglasses that morning. I trudged home, reminding myself that individuals are starving on various continents and others are dying in wars. How could I dare cry over my own stupid, miniscule problems? I recorded the episode in my I Ching journal and then turned to the I Ching for guidance.

“Cling to what is calm and good no matter what others do.”

I followed this excellent advice for the next few months. The positioning of the scar tissue behind my breasts made it look like I had EEE size boobs. In my entire lifetime – and I am being completely honest when I write this – I do not recall ever having approached a stranger and made a personal comment about his or her body. Many people showed me no such courtesy. Fuck them. I got stronger.

On November 10, 2013 I took the above pics for Invisible World. By that point my right breast felt like it would burst, expelling all of that hardened silicone into the atmosphere and raining it down on top of mankind. No such thing happened but I finally had surgery less than three weeks later. I just grabbed two handfuls of my soft breasts. What a relief. Didn’t intend to write all this. Funny how photos can stir up all kinds of memories.. ;)  Hope I’m not killing the porn magic with this discussion of bodily parts and medical procedures, but it feels oddly therapeutic to release these paragraphs into cyberspace.

XO Tanya

P.S. Just finished a workout. Was thinking about the above post and want to thank all of my dear custom video buyers who commissioned sooooo many videos in the period of time leading up to my surgery. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for making a difficult situation so much easier. I shot videos like a madwoman and the funds enabled me to both pay for surgery and rest comfortably during the weeks of dormancy which followed. Big kiss to each of you: Muuuuaaahhhh!!!

 

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Books from the Heartland

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Good evening,

I would like to thank the anonymous individual from the US Heartland who shipped me a second box of carefully chosen, individually wrapped books and DVDs. I really appreciate your letter, your encouragement, and the great additions to my library. Right now I am literally preparing to get new bookshelves. My current “ladder-style” bookcase is both overflowing and tipping at a precarious angle. A handyman did his best to secure it to the wall and then said: “Try not to touch it.” I like the fact that I have outgrown the piece, especially since I have plenty more untapped wall space. Friends have asked why I never hang paintings or photographs. In the back of my mind I always knew that I would need those walls for more important things;) Thank you again, my Heartland friend, for the new material. Incidentally, I am right now reading Cast of Killers by Sidney D. Kirkpatrick and enjoying it very much.

Much gratitude and many kisses,

Tanya

 

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Celluloid City

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Celluloid City

In a city grown wild and weary,
A phone rings, a siren sings, her words bleak and dreary.
Glittering, glowing, refulgent in the night,
Embers of past intrigue step into the light.

Shattered fragments, many shards of a whole,
Fractured legacy of a missing soul.
Captured by celluloid, held hostage in the void,
Reclaimed at last when endless reels destroyed.

Loops of discarded tape splay across floor,
Rolling and undulating, no power to restore.
Reunited with strength of her gender,
She reaches inside to explore wealth and splendor.

Celluloid memories drift away,
Merely carnage from another day.
Mythic kingdom, luster gone,
Dark leads light into oblivion.

Past recedes into present,
Recollections breed obsolescence.
Still, celluloid projections lurk inside blackest hole,
Glinting like daggers which pierce the soul.

Tanya Danielle stars in Celluloid City, a surrealist fantasy featuring panty fetish, panty stuffing, masturbation, anal plug, and extreme close-ups. Co-produced by Jon White.

 

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Smoking, Shooting & Warhawks

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Good afternoon,

In the past week I completed my hospice orientation and also did a lot of shooting for a private collector. The material goes straight into his library and will never surface publicly. I lost count of the number of videos but they consisted of my standard fare: bondage, POV femdom, and superheroine-in-peril. Yesterday I caught up on necessary errands, including a trip to the doctor’s office for a TB test required by the hospice organization. The red circle on my forearm still looks like a red circle – nothing alarming has developed ;)

Today I visited Subway for breakfast (just discovered that they sell Subway gift cards on Amazon) and could not get a refill on my coffee. Most Subway locations put a coffee pot near the fountain drinks but this store did not. I ate my food and migrated to a donut shop. The Jerry Springer Show was playing on a TV set above my head. Fortunately I could only hear it, not see it. One individual lamented the fact that his girlfriend had been sleeping with his cousin but expressed his desire to stay with her. He used these words to explain why he had neglected to kick his cousin’s ass: “When you smoke weed you get stuck. I got stuck watching Netflix.” I write most of the text descriptions for my videos in donut shops so I quickly jotted down his statement on my ubiquitous notepad (thanks again for the new supply, Don!)

For the record, I think that Francesca Le and I have the distinction of being the only women in the entire adult industry – and possibly the whole state of California – who do not smoke pot. She once commented that it annoys her when she has to wait for people who are fiddling with their pipes or inhaling intoxicants. I feel the same way. For some reason I never engage in any type of smoking, not even cigarettes. Shay Sights and I shot the above photos for a customer who later observed that we had forgotten to light the cigarette. Lol.. I don’t get hired for many smoking-themed shoots.

Tonight I am immersing myself in Turbo Tax. For fun I put a little money on a college hoops (CBI) tournament. Go Warhawks! Hope everyone is having a great week.

XO Tanya

 

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Blonde Stripper Battle

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Blonde Stripper Battle

From Tanya Danielle’s 2011 catfight diary:

“Kristal Summers and I had intended to get together this past Friday night. An hour before our date I told her that I had fallen ill and wanted to stay home. Sweet as ever, Kristal expressed concern and inquired if she could bring anything to my bedside. ‘No, thank you.’ I replied in a weak voice, sniffling a few times. ‘I’ll be OK. Right now I just need to sleep. Hopefully my fever will subside by morning.’ Kristal made me promise to call immediately if I started feeling any worse. I agreed, hung up the phone, and touched up my makeup.

Thirty minutes later I was walking into the club where Kristal and I both dance. I felt capital, particularly since I knew that Kristal had canceled her shift when she and I had made our original plans for the evening. Now I would make bank as the only busty blonde in the lineup! As expected, I raked in the dough and happily returned home around 3am on Saturday morning.

At 7am someone started pounding relentlessly on my front door. I tried to ignore it, but after five minutes of steady banging I finally got out of bed and looked through the peephole. Kristal was standing on my porch with an irate expression on her face. She never gets mad. I opened the door. She glared at me. I tried to look puzzled. ‘Let’s settle this in the ring.’ she said with the closest thing to anger that I had ever heard in her voice. ‘What are you talking about?’ I asked. ‘Settle what? What are you doing here?’ She looked at me with complete disgust. I could sense a potent combination of contempt and moral superiority roiling inside her gut. All of a sudden I realized that I was behaving like an imbecilic coward.

‘All right, all right.. ‘ I said, waving my hands in the air to ward off her unspoken accusations. ‘I tricked you into resheduling your Friday shift so I could work all night with no competition whatsoever. It was crappy of me to do it, but.. ‘ My words trailed off. Really, there was no justification for my actions. Kristal stared at me. I sighed. ‘Look, I’m sorry.’ I said. ‘I deceived you and also deceived myself into thinking that I was just telling a few harmless white lies. Now I see that I could have seriously compromised our friendship by thinking only of my own financial gain. I really am sorry. Will you forgive me?’

Kristal leaned in close to me. ‘Will I forgive you?’ she replied nastily. ‘I might forgive you. Maybe I will feel more forgiving after I take your ‘harmless white lies’ and shove them up your fat, white ass!’ For the record, I can’t say for sure whether I was suffering from a massive hangover or still just drunk from the night before. Not that I am making excuses for anything that happened later in the ring..

Download Blonde Stripper Battle at Tanya’s Clips4Sale store. Photos available at FantasyImageStore.com.

 

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Glamour, Catfights, Lesbians, Bondage, Superheroines, More!