Almost deleted my last post because I felt embarrassed that I was ranting about a cyst on my lip. Then I decided to leave the words intact because they reflect a dilemma faced by so many Americans right now: trying to stay healthy while avoiding the doctor. As mentioned previously I’ve had three surgeries in less than three years. Although I have insurance it did not cover all my medical bills, not even close. I prepaid for breast surgery but still received more bills afterward. Even though my insurance company approved foot surgery they later declined to cover all of the charges associated with the procedure. Have you ever tried to battle an insurance company? Don’t even bother. I had eye surgery at a county facility after a private physician ushered me out of his office. He did not want to deal with a patient who had a $5500 deductible on her insurance policy and I don’t really blame him. Ironically, I am still paying off his bill for the initial consultation. If he remembers me at all he must feel very relieved that he did not perform surgery on me.
Prior to eye surgery at county hospital a staff member called to confirm my appointment with the anesthesiologist. During the phone call the staff member chastised me for using county services without having established a payment plan. Can’t recall exactly how he phrased his accusation but the words stung. “But I provided my insurance information when I checked out of the emergency room.” I told him. He muttered something in return and we ended the call.
That particular conversation left me with a sensation that still lingers today: sometimes I just feel like a failure. In my twenties I wasted a lot of money but in my thirties I started getting serious. Two photos above show me at adult industry conventions which occurred years apart in different cities. Yes, I wanted to look nice but I wasn’t out spending big money on clothes. In fact, I was recycling wardrobe and preparing for the future – or so I thought..
This morning I woke at 4am to move my car from a street cleaning zone. I like to get up early and, honestly, don’t want to pay $80 a month to park in one of the nearby corporate lots. My trusty steed, now 13 years old, gleamed in the moonlight. For the thousandth time I looked at my car and thought: “Paying you off was one of the smartest things I ever dd.”
To sum all this up: I am doing the very best I can. Like so many other people I work hard but find that health care costs often exceed my resources. One way or another way I will deal with the cyst on my lip. Dr. Google says that mucous cysts usually resolve within a week or two. I will give it a week and visit a real MD if I don’t see any healing progress. Big thanks to my custom video collectors who have shown such patience. I am really looking forward to shooting your videos and appreciate your kind spirits more than I can say.
P.S. I received notice that my health insurance policy with $5500 deductible will increase 33% in price next year if I want to keep it. They also sent me a thick booklet of the changes in benefits I will receive since policy will be downgraded to an “epo” from a “ppo”. Good grief, sometimes you almost have to laugh. Onward and upward – I’m young, healthy, and strong and I shall carry on.
I allowed myself to get a bit frustrated today over something really stupid. Things haven’t felt “normal” (whatever that may be) for quite a while. Recently I fell ill for several long weeks with fever, aches, and golf ball-sized lymph nodes in my right groin. After three surgeries in less than three years I really want to avoid any more medical bills so I consulted Dr. Google rather than visiting an MD. All my symptoms, including long length of illness, fit the description of toxoplasmosis. Humans can contract this disease from infected cats and, in fact, I had been fostering kittens with parasites throughout their neutering/vaccinating/deworming process.
In the past week my lymph nodes have finally begun shrinking back to normal size and I feel great. Shortly before Thanksgiving I bit the outside of my lower lip. I briefly cursed my stupidity and forgot about it. Then, days later, a prominent blister appeared. Dismayed, and unhappy about prospect of delaying upcoming shoots, I told myself: “It will go away soon.” Hopefully it will indeed vanish but today, upon sighting it in the mirror once again, I turned aggro, throwing a childlike hissy fit in the privacy of my home where no other humans (thank goodness) could see my embarrassing, self-indulgent histrionics.
Don’t know why I’m admitting any of this but situation has struck a nerve because I’m already juggling so many medical bills. Dr. Google tells me that I probably caused a mucous cyst when I bit my lip. It should resolve naturally but in some cases a doctor does have to remove a mucous cyst. Honestly, I tried to pop it with a sterilized needle but that didn’t work because it’s not a blister. Now I wonder if I caused myself worse problems. Anyways, I will stop acting like a baby. Maybe I will take up smoking like that broad in the top pic – she looks nice and relaxed.
Sorry for my rant. It did feel therapeutic. I should spend my hours helping others and counting blessings rather than whining about minutiae. If you are reading this post you may later discover that words have mysteriously vanished 🙂
Onward and upward.. aside from misguided antics with a sterilized needle I have accomplished a few things:
I am starting a new phone sex hotline from my home. Just kidding. Above photos from February 2015 surfaced inside my computer tonight. Looks like milf extraordinaire Mrs. Hamilton was enjoying some naughty conversation although, honestly, I will have to locate footage to know what was really going on there. Mrs. Hamilton has lots of randy adventures 😉
Hope fellow Americans enjoyed a nice Thanksgiving. I had a wonderful dinner at the home of a good friend’s family. Since returning to my corner of LA I have hit a few donut shops for morning coffee and mostly been working on updates:
About to forage in my refrigerator for dinner but nothing will compare to the awesome food I had on Thanksgiving. Soooooo good.. Normally I hibernate for the holidays so Thursday was a special occasion with a group of really gracious, friendly, interesting people. I felt very honored and grateful to share their company and intend to act like less of a grinch this yuletide season 😉
Grateful to report that I am once again showering in hot water. While jogging this morning I noticed some street art which features “Winter Bathing” as its caption (top pic.) Think scene comes from an old (perhaps 1920s?) postcard or brochure used to promote tourism in the beachside community where I live. Did pick up a useful habit during hot water outage: shaving legs in a bucket – saves so much water. Last night I set up my bucket and watched Blonde Ice (1948) starring Leslie Brooks.
Oh, those were the days. What I wouldn’t give for a hot shower with Jezebelle Bond right now, emphasis on HOT. Boiler failed in my 1920s residence. Yes, this near century-old building still has a boiler room and a water tank on its roof. Above pics with Jezebelle come from Liquid Sex, a fluid-filled odyssey in which I have two scenes (3 & 4.) I have fond memories of beautiful women, and hot, hot, hot running water..
Funny thing.. just two days ago I wrote:
“Think I have recovered from recent illness as long as I don’t subject my body to anything crazy in the next few days.”
Haha.. boiler went out that very same night. I have been showering in cold water ever since. Guess I will watch scene with Jezebelle to keep myself warm 😉
I finished up latest round of shooting and promptly went to bed. Think I have recovered from recent illness as long as I don’t subject my body to anything crazy in the next few days. Autumn has seized neighborhood and leaves/temperatures are finally starting to drop. In honor of the changing season I have decided to clean out my closet. Starting with hippie chick ensemble pictured above (featured in just-released Summer of Love) I will be offering memorabilia/costumes/lingerie through the mail. On a grab bag basis I will send garment, photo of myself wearing it, plus a personalized letter to interested parties who send $75 to:
2554 Lincoln Blvd. #130
Venice, CA 90291
Yes, you read that correctly. I am reviving mail order in this era of digital gratification. Honestly, I’ve always enjoyed writing letters. Please make checks or money orders payable to Green Pastures Productions.
Feel free to request a specific type of outfit (lingerie, dress, bikini, etc.) and I will try to accommodate you but can’t guarantee exactly what I will send. This idea occurred to me as I was surveying a closet inside my 500 square foot studio and thinking: “I have to move this mountain of clothes before I’m living underneath it.” Right now I’m just playing it by ear but I’ll start by offering sexy clothing for $75 and pairs of high heels and/or boots for $150 and see how it goes. Again, please make checks or money orders out to Green Pastures Productions. I look forward to sending you a package!
P.S. I will answer new comments tomorrow. Spent today posting updates:
Just emerged from bed and found pics from ringmaster STJ inside my inbox. Fiery Spaniard Amarna Miller and I shot above match on November 10, I did another shoot yesterday, and then had to postpone today’s booking due to recurrence of fever. Guess I should have taken more time to recover from illness I mentioned in last post.
Lovely Amarna, whom I met for the first time minutes before our match, struck me as both uncommonly intelligent and capable. Although relatively new to wrestling she successfully pulled off numerous moves that many veterans would probably not even try. Her pleasant manner, tinged with just the slightest diffidence, bespoke very refined cultural sensibilities. I found her intriguing and would like to know more about her. Have a feeling Amarna spends a lot more time reading literature than watching television, if you get my drift. A certain intensity seems to percolate beneath her red hair and beautiful fair skin.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend. I would like to send much love and gratitude to current and former members of our US military whom we just honored with the Veteran’s Day holiday on Friday. Mere words seem inadequate but sentiment behind them comes from the heart. Thank you for your service.
P.S. I’m going to eat something and go back to bed. Will answer messages tomorrow 🙂
I have pulled myself from bed after brief illness. Made a few lifestyle changes recently but want to see how they work out before I discuss them. Think alterations have shocked my body. Lymph nodes in left groin have exploded to sizes never seen. Last night I sweated with fever, gobbled ibuprofen for body aches. Do I have the flu or am I reacting to recent events? Not yet sure but I did have some trippy dreams. One of them featured a black swan nesting within my kitchen (or pantry?) light fixture. Even inside dream I reacted to black swan by staring fixedly and thinking: “Wow, that really is a black swan.”
During 2016 I have started listening almost exclusively to alternative media on YouTube for economic, political news because in this day and age mainstream radio primarily transmits propaganda. Alternative media makes frequent mention of potential black swan events which will adversely effect economy. I had never gazed upon a black swan til one surfaced in my dream last night. In honor of the omen (and sometimes omens do presage good things) I am putting Black Swan starring Goldie Blair and myself on sale for $11.99 (normally $22.99.)
While wracked with fever, body aches over past two nights I also rewrote some text:
Alchemical book brightens light,
Rich gold explodes from honeycomb,
Kaboom! Deposed queen has come home!
After banishment from corrupt oligarchy Madeleine had wandered for years, stumbled upon remains of toppled fortress. Search of rubble lead to discovery of ancient tome containing alchemical secrets. Now possessing ability to create golden bullets – magic projectiles which will transfix enemies into quiescence – Madeleine prepares to leave indelible mark on society which had rejected her so long ago..
Previously I had released above video under title “Through the Looking Glass” but I had strange compulsion to redo text and change title to Madeleine’s Mark. I just added Madeleine’s Mark to my Clips4Sale store for the first time.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. I’m trying to rest up because I have a lot of shoots next week and want to be 100% healthy.