Moon over Memory


Has anyone seen above pics before? An entire set of them exists – just came across it while looking for something else. They correspond to one of the lowest points of my life, December 31, 2008. Not sure if I ever posted the photos anywhere. One day after shooting them I resolved to consume alcohol only five days a week instead of seven. Honestly, the images look better than I remember. I vividly recall viewing my big fat moonface swollen by alcohol in January 2009 and feeling ashamed. Somehow that Dolly Parton hairstyle just made everything worse. Now I realize that self-loathing had distorted perception; photos don’t look much different from thousands of others I have taken over the years.

Lol.. went off on a tangent there. Tonight I had merely been intending to post a few nudie pics, promise to return this weekend, and go to bed. With no exaggeration I have probably shot over 40 videos this month and my body, independently of my brain, feels exhausted. Ides of May passed pleasantly at STJ’s ring yesterday with six (or was it seven?) other wrestlers and I had just enough time to add a new video appropriately entitled Ides of May to when I got home. Shooting continues this week but I intend to stay home all weekend after I finish, catch up on post comments, and relax.  Literally going to bed at 6pm this evening. Guess that says it all. Hope everyone is doing well!

XO Tanya


P.S. Wrath of Miss Kitty starring Goldie Blair and me is this week’s Video Deal of the Week!



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4 thoughts on “Moon over Memory”

  1. Dear Tanya,

    Oh, my friend, you are always so hard on yourself. It is endearing but also a bit worrying. You look splendid in these photos as always.

    That you are always offering yourself out for others to share and enjoy in your exploits means that some days what is inside might be in contrast with what you show on the outside. You’ve mentioned this on a few occasions in your posts or blog: hurting inside while having to smile outside. We all have to do this from time to time, sometimes daily, and you are an inspiration in that regard.

    Sometimes maybe it shows: sad eyes or maybe a puffy face. I have just been looking at some old Mingori family photos that my sister-in-law scanned and put up in the Cloud. So much detail to see and interpret, but sometimes there is no way of telling or remembering how I felt at those times. A lot more smiles on my face and happy memories than I realized.

    I certainly do remember NYE 2008, though. Yeah, it was a low time for me as well. Way low. I don’t know if I had yet become aware of all the good things you are by then or not. I do know that following your antics and adventures, writing and ribald-ary certainly did help me climb up out of a not-so-happy place. I do want to say how appreciative I am of that.

    One sincere wish I have, though, (#1 on the Mingori Amazon Wish List) is that you love yourself as much I — and your many friends –do. Of course, I only know you in the most contemporary of digital manners. But still. All the things you do and say are from woman of deep heart, mind and soul. And I am a good judge of character.

    Chubby cheeks? That’s like me having sore feet yesterday from working too much. It comes and goes. The beauty inside you always shows through. When your eyes look tired or sad, that’s when I am concerned. When they are bright or soft and happy….then I know you are happy inside and the Universe is paying you back for all the good that you give out. Daily.

    I’m glad to hear that you are so busy and hopefully satisfied and stimulated by your work and delighted with your co-stars. You’ve only shown us a bit of all that you have been up to, but it is–as always–stretching your limits as an actress and athlete.

    You are still continuously and freshly intelligent, erotic and funny which is a testament to your artistry. Always a surprise, always raising your game. I admit that there are some weeks that I take that for granted–the amazing work that you do–and I remind myself to express my gratitude and support however distant that writing this might be from your day-to-day.

    I realize you haven’t been around much or able to reply to these types of comments. No worries. I don’t expect a reply. Read this at your leisure and know that the good you send out into the world is greatly appreciated and there are those of us out there trying to work in your spirit and direct some of that goodness back to you.

    as ever, all the best to you, Tanya


    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, Mingori!!! Now I have great inspiration for my morning jog. You make me feel wonderful and I really appreciate the time you took to write your thoughts and send them. Truly, they mean the world to me. Muuuaaahhhh!!! XOXO

  2. And yet you can never tell by looking at the photos which is always a credit to your professionalism and work ethic that there was an issue. We discussed this a while back when you shared a story of what you were really feeling when you did what I thought were my favorite shoots you had done.

    Self perception is a big thing. I look at the photos above, I think wow, she is a beautiful, sexy, confident bombshell. She looks happy, healthy, etc. And yet you state you were unhappy, resolving to drink less alcohol, that you felt you had a puffy face.

    1. Thank you so much for the compliments, Ned. I do try to separate work from personal life, put on a good show for the camera. 2008 was one of the nadirs of my life. Are you allowed to have more than one nadir? Lol.. I seem to have succeeded. May be lonely at times now but I really and truly would rather be lonely than go back to how I was living then. XOXO

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